.the year is ending soon.

yes! i am never sick of changing my blog template. in fact, i love to change my blog template. it gives me a refreshing feel when i read my blog. most importantly, changing the template does not make me sick of my blog. i do not know if i am the type of person who has short term passion for something. i hope i am NOT that type of person.

it's raining outside now. boring. when i tell u that, you may start to form a picture that it is very dark and scary outside with all the dark gloomy clouds, thunder and lightning. you are wrong!!!! lesson learnt: never form judgement before you fully understand the whole situation. the sun is outside, shinning brightly through my window. oh my!!!! this is the worst weather i wish for. my parents used to tell me to stay indoors if such rain falls because people get sick more easily in weathers like this. i dont believe in it.

it's hard to get everyone out.

"stay simple and happy"

.not very good.

i am just too comfort living in my cosy 5 room flat at clementi. i have everything that i need within my reach. i have love from my family and support from my friends. i do not face much financial difficulties. i have the privilege of using water and electricity. i have never felt hunger before. to me, this is not something i should be proud of or happy for. there is a quote that says you will learn to appreciate things only after you have lost them once. i have to agree with it. i have been living a far too comfortable life that makes me not a better person. people are becoming more materialistic and superficial. where has all the emotions been to? is the surface the only thing we can look at now? i feel sad for myself.

i have lost many things in life before. i have to admit that i have neglected my family a lot for the past few years. yes, yes, busy with studies. to put it in another manner, it is simply i am too busy for you or i have no time at all. rubbish!!! they are just excuses to push all the blame away. why am i such a horrible girl? i told myself after the As, i ought to spend more time with them. that's why i am busy baking with my mum these few days. yeah!!! i dont want to lose any of them anymore. i want to spend more time with them to build stronger bonds. i have experienced a loss before and there was another close attempt recently. it was my first time i felt devastated and loss. please, dont make me experience the same feelings again. i just want all the 5 of us to be happy and together.

i have made a lot of friends along the way. bad weather friends, true friends and hi-bye friends. i was chatting with my friends on christmas eve and i realised how long we have known each other unknowingly. next year will be my 10th year knowing jiefang. this year is my 8th year knowing xiaoyi. kns is 4-years-old. oh my!!!! it is amazing how our friendship goes on despite us being at different parts of singapore. i truly appreciate their efforts to keep the friendship going. let's go people!

a few people had entered my life and left a scar. the wound is healing. just leave me alone. dont bother me with anything anymore. i dont wish to be associated with them. i have learnt my lesson. as it says once bitten twice shy. i dont know if i am being over sensitive here but my instinct just tells me something isnt right. i should just remain a safe distant from them. i very much want to go back to the same old times but it's hard. i dont know why. it is difficult to explain. just forget it and move on.

i realised another thing! we all have a personal obstacle. i have found mine but i do not know how to overcome it. i dont even know what causes it? it's in me for a very long time since primary school. i guess i have to seek the solution myself. maybe someday, an ingenius idea will strike me and the obstacle will be gone. haha. i am just day dreaming. =)

christmas is just over and i did not receive any presents from santa. serves me right. karen has not been a good girl for the past year. i have been a mean and nasty person to the people around me. i have not been an obedient daughter. i have not been a hardworking and attentive student. i have not been a great friend. i shall learn to be nice. hope everyone had received their presents and belated merry christmas greetings from me!

"everyone can succeed but only a few will succeed"

.my colour.

what's my true colour?

Brown
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

.christmas.

christmas is just round the corner. i am in the lazy mood. i refuse to do anything. i didnt do any xmas shopping although i bought a choco brown bag at charles and keith for myself a few days ago. there is no christmas atmosphere at my house which isnt surprising because my family does not celebrate christmas at all. we used to have a christmas tree at the living room and i loved to decorate it every year. slowly, the christmas tree is pushed to the storeroom and it never has the chance to see the light again. hai...

i have been busy looking for a job for the past 2 days. my legs are aching. imagine yourself walking all over singapore in heels. oh my!!! please save me. anyway, i finally got a job. thanks to zhihui! and also thanks to jf for accompanying me for the past 2 days. i had a sense of relief when i was hired. but now, i dont feel any excitement or joy brewing in me. it's sad. i dont know what is wrong.

i have a lot of plans coming up next. i cannot sit still for a moment. i am going to learn driving soon, most probably in feb or march next year. anyone is interested to learn driving with me? i wanted to take a 3rd language course. i discussed with my dad. what's the outcome? the idea is put on hold, wait till i enter the working society. my guitar course too! wait till i have saved enough. but i hope to join the course before i attend uni. please please... let that be my first christmas wish.

i am starting to lose hope in everything after hearing experiences from people and witnessing events around me. let me keep this faith. without hope, everything in the world is dull and plain. i need hope to keep myself living and moving. i am just glad i am there for my friends. i am not really a good listener because i dont have much patience. i am more than willing to help them to make their day. listen and not make any comments is fine with me. i just want them to stay happy always.

"faith"

korea trip!!

i am finally back from my 7 days korea trip!!!! trying to get back to my singapore lifestyle. waking up late as usual (i woke up at 2pm today), slacking around at home, listening to music, sitting in front of the computer, eating singapore food once again and wearing ONLY t shirt and shorts.

what happened at korea?

i dont like the pre trip preparation at all. it was a mad rush for me. we were only briefed about the trip a few days before the departure day. i hate it!!!! i guess it is because i am a planner. furthermore, it was my first time visiting a cold country. so the more i need more time to prepare for the trip.

when we arrived at korea, i thought everything was well prepared but i was wrong!! the LOUSY hotel management screwed up our accommodation. hello!!! are you in the right mind to have 9 girls living in a room that was meant for 4 people only? the food at the four seasons were not up to standard. i think it is a staff canteen. they served the food in the prison style. come on, make my money worthwhile. i was there to experience the korea culture not to be tortured. serve us some traditional korea dishes excpet kimchi. luckily, the YMCA and ms ho managed to make some necessary changes to the accommodation and food before the first night. me and goi moved in to stay with ms ho at room 201 for 2 nights. we were relunctant to get out of the room and bunk in with the other girls for the last night. the roon was just nice for 3 people and our room was always warm and cosy when we returned from our skiing and snowboarding lessons. =(

i chose skiing over snowboarding although the fun part of me wants to try snowboarding. it's okay. there is always another chance for me to learn another sport. =) anyway, we had 3 days of skiing lessons. the instructor had a hard time explaining to us the various techniques of skiing. luckily, sign and body language saved the day again. i found the lessons a little draggy and slow. i just hope i can still remember how to ski. the small and big A and the S which yuhui is damn pro at. after 3 days of lessons, it was the free and easy ski. 5 of us - yuhui, goi, me, kokkok and wh, could not resist the temptation of midnight ski. we thought the ski slopes would be less crowded but they were worse than in the day time. we started off at the beginner slope to try to perfect our S. after that, we went on to the 2nd slope. we saw many many many snowboarders. there were more snowboarders than skiiers. i was thinking how was i supposed to go down the slope safely when there were sooo many moving obstacles along the slope. my first time down the 2nd slope was pure maddness!!!! i went straight down the slope. it was wrong but the feeling was damn good. the wind was about to tear my skin off my face. the speed was ultra fast. i tried to do the big A but it did not seem to be helping me to slow down. we stopped skiing at 230am not because we were tired, but because it was freaking cold. the heat pads under my feet and in my skiing gloves were not working. i guessed it was too cold for me to feel any warm. =( i had problems trying to pronounce the some words properly, like PEAR-lyn, pro-PER-ly. argh!!! after that, we went to full our hungry stomach with udon or instant noodles at the food centre. we reached our room at around 4am. we rang the doorbell, waiting for eileen to open the door for us but she did not wake up at the first rang. oh my!! we were freaked out. we were not going to spend the night outside the room. we were damn tired and smelly. we needed a new set of clothes and a warm floor or bed to sleep on. after waiting for around 10 minutes, eileen finally opened the door. yeah!! the last day of skiing was taking group photos and more group photos. i did not ski because i was too shagged and cold to ski. skiing was fun and exciting except that i had a lot of bull dozers aka brusies while learning. let's go skiing and snowboarding next year again!!

we had cultural night with the korean students for the first and second nights. the ice breakers were funny. we just linked our hands together and walked around the room, not forgetting the big and small basket dance. they did presentation on corruption. they performed a music item and a hip hop dance item for us. in return, we had to perform something and it was damn last minute. there was no planning at all cos we were not informed of it until the day before. no time to discuss at all. in the end, we danced the friendship dance. we had the korean studnets to join us in the dance. luckily, they enjoyed themselves and it did not turn up to be as bad as i thought.

the second highlight of the trip was the homestay. me, goi, yuhui and eileen had to stay alone for the first night. the 4 of us were supposed to meet up to go shopping before we went to our separate families for the night but eileen did not join us in the end. finally, we ate traditional korea dinner - takabi, which is hot plate chicken mixed with rice cakes, vegetables and sweet potatoes. yummy!!! i dont really take spicy food but the hottness was just nice for me. oh my!!!! it was heavenly delicious. i want to eat that again. after eating, we took bus to this huge supermarket called emart to do some shopping. after walking around the emart, my head felt feverish and my throat was killing me. i felt guilty that my homestay buddy had to look after a sick singaporean. she had to accompany me to buy my medicine and constantly reminded me to take my medicine. i felt bad because i was not in the right mood to interact with her when we were out. =(

when we got home, i felt much better after taking the medicine and maybe partly because the house was warm and cosy. i felt very welcomed and cosy when i came to her house. the family would sit together in front of the TV and greet each other when they returned home. i dont see that happening in many of the singapore families. she could speak a little of english, so we had a little difficulties communicating. she used this auto directionary that converts korean into english and a few sheets of papers with korean sentences with the english meanings to talk to me.

after the first night, i and eileen went to another family for the part 2 of homestay. i nearly cried when i had to leave my homestay buddy. it's strange how a bond can be foster within such a short period of time. this time round, they shocked us when we met. they told us they were going to bring us to a party for dinner that night. we were like are you sure??? we were not properly dressed for a party in track pants or jeans and winter clothes. hmm... end up, it was a traditional korean wedding dinner. woah!! cool... it was not like the chinese traditional wedding dinner. it was more like a simple affair which the bride and groom exhanged vows. after the dinner, we went back to their nice and cosy home. the kids were awesome. they know how to play the piano which eileen is very very jealous of. haha... after putting the kids to bed, it was our time to wash up and pack (argh!!!! me and eileen hate it) and sleep.

we reached our meeting point at 5am the next morning. i was surprised to see my first homestay buddy there. she, together with goi's and yuhui's homestay buddies came to send us off. i was touched. they woke up so early in the morning to send us off and they had school later in the morning.

i am missing everything and every people i have met in korea now. i miss skiing. i miss homestay. i miss my homestay buddy. i miss my cultural night buddy. sooooo many wonderful experience. it is a right decision to go to the korea trip. the money had been well spent on a priceless experience. how many times do i have to be out of my comfort zone? it is one of my regrets i had for the korea trip. i was always in my comfort zone during my homestay. they tried sooo hard to speak to me in english but i did not put in as much effort as them to learn korean. there may be unhappy experiences with one another within the group or with the korean people, but anger disappears when i start to understand and compromise. dont lose my cool.

ps/ to look at photos, please go to photolinks in my blog. the second one is the link to my korean pictures. cheers! http://www.flickr.com/photos/72419396@N00/sets/1622679/

"understanding solves problems"

.lovely.

how does it feel like to hold my mum's hand and walk along the road? sometimes, i wish i can be more open with my feelings. is it just the Asian culture or the way i am brought up in a relatively conservative environment? i just want to tell my family how much i love all of them and grateful for everything they have done for me. my parents will ensure that i am in the pink of health in examination periods. i remembered my parents brewing a lot of chinese herbal tea during the A levels period. i guess my tongue is immure to the bitter taste. my brother will always be there to give me advice. i asked for his opinion when i had to choose a JC when i was in sec4. he was the first fews to call me to ask me about my results when the o levels results were out. i sounded disappointed on the phone with him but i could feel him patting on my shoulder, saying " i am proud of my little sister". my sis never fail to guide me along my life journey. when i cried in the past because my parents scolded me or what, i would always run to her. she would comfort me and gave me my little cute face towels to wipe my tears away. =) i just want to go and hug them and tell them how much i treasure them.

not only with family, and also with friends. i am thankful i have met wonderful friends along the way except for a few who i should not mention here cos i am nice. they have made my school life more vibrant and full of energy. they are always there to listen to my complaints, my nags, and they have to bear with my impatience, silliness, stupidness. oh my!!! i wanted to say sth like let's hope our friendship lasts forever but i realised that nothing in this world last forever. this is a pessimistic view of life but come on, it's the truth. we dont live forever. people around us do abandon us and start their lives again on their own. our environment is always changing. we are always meeting new faces. our finanical abilities fluctuate. so, let's just live for the moment.

i am going for a one week korea trip tmr. skiing and snowboarding cum homestay holiday. i am sad to announce that i am not done with my packing yet. oops... luckily, i am taking an evening flight tmr. i should pack after project runway cos reality shows are a MUST WATCH for me. i guess i am the least excited member among those from my class who are going for the trip. i cannot sense the excitement and happiness in me yet despite it being my first time in a winter country. maybe it is too early? ya right! tmr at this time i should be on the thai airways alrdy. i am scare that i will freeze to death and not get used to their meals. my impression of korea meals are light and healthy which means dishes like green, green and more green and maybe toufu. oh no!! limited meat dishes.. hai.. pls dun force me to eat veg. let's hope it will be a fun filled experience for me. before that, happy packing karen. hear from me a week later. cya guys!!

"live life like it's your last"

.mayday concert.

i am super high now!!! i just got home from the mayday concert - final home. oh my!!! it simply ROCKS!!!!!!!! i was complaining to liting in the cab that i was so shagged that i felt like sleeping without changing into a new set of clothes. but the bath did wonders and woke me up. i dun like to use hair dryer to blow dry my hair cos i think the heat will damage my hair and my hair is already very dry. so NONONONO!!! that's why i am up so late at night, blogging, waiting for my hair to dry and to drink my hot and nice honey drink before i sleep.

11am:
"hello, karen ah. can u go and pick the girls out? i am not feeling well now."
"ok"
i dragged myself out of my bed. i was hoping that fang could bring woon and lydia to my house so that i could save the trouble right? but it's okay. i should be nice to my friends.

2pm:
we were done with mh's present. yeah!! we rock!!! the end product is great. the photos just brought back RV memories. how horrible we looked like in our nurse alike uniform and damn short and uniformed hairstyle. our hot topics, kan, lam wan, our kns outings and blah blah...

5pm:
they left and it was the mad rush for me. i only had half an hour to prepare myself for the mayday concert. ahhhhh.... liting was waiting for me in my house. we needed to have dinner, and it took us an hour to go to expo from clementi lah. torturous!

740pm:
we were sitting comfortably at our seats at expo. oh my!!! although we were quite far from the stage, it was the company that matters. fang and liting are my besties lor... and the group who was sitting in front of us was the chao enthu mayday fans. oh my!! that's why the atmosphere at my area was damn high throughout the concert. me and fang are the lousy mayday fans. we din buy their latest album so we just lalala-ed all the way when they sang the new songs and we could not recognise the title of the song at the first beat. haha.. what made me irritated was we could not stand bare footed on the seats. come on lah!! we were alrdy sooo far away from the stage. we could not see anything on the stage from our seats!!! so pissed. yes yes, safety and to be considerate right? but there were empty seats behind us. argh! nvm. the high atmosphere was good enough. they started off with all the fast songs. woah!!! i was touched by their sincerity. they really put in their heart and soul in making music. the part when everyone sang their new song that goes lalala at the end (liting!!! tell me the name of the song!!), it really touched me. the whole hall was singing and oh my!!! it is damn hard to explain my experience here because feelings are for you to feel not to say. rock lives forever! their songs rock!!! my favourites are wen rou, jue jiang, chun zhen (they din sing. i was sooo sad), ren shen hai hai. i am soooo crazy over monster. he was soooo cool when he played his electric guitar. haha... my future guy needs to know how to play electric guitar. hahaha..

12am:
the concert finally ended. it was one of the latest concert i have been to. it was definitely worthed the $$ and i will go for their next concert again. yeah!!! me and liting piaed our way to the mrt station and realised mrt service to boon lay was over. argh!! anyway, fang went to find her SA friends. ya, so we took a cab from tampiness to our homes. it was mad!!!! $26 of cab fare. the most expensive cab fare i have ever took.

korea is coming soon. but i have not packed yet. all my stuff are lying all over my room. the present state of my room is the messiest it has been. how can i stand it? argH!!!

"i shall let you go"

.s16 msg.

hey s16 guys!!! please go check your email or read the class blog okay?? there's urgent and important matters we need to settle fast. thanks guys!

.random 2.

tight schedule today. it was pure maddness. i was running all over singapore. went to ICA building, then newton for a job interview, and BP to get korea stuff from jess, CCK and finally home. hai... my feet hurts a lot after walking everywhere in heels. dont ask me why. i dont have a choice. i was supposed to wear office wear for the interview and you cant expect me to wear flip-flops there right? miserable me.

i was thinking a lot on my way home. it is tough to be a woman. you need to look good and confident. your face needs to be flawless, no winkles, no eye bags, just a nice, pretty and smooth face. come on, we all need a pretty face right? "what's most important is the internal beauty". ya right. i am sorry to say face the reality!!! it is the first impression that makes the difference most of the time. in order to leave a lasting impression, you need to look good to capture pple's attention. as we move down, women need to have a good figure too. you get what i mean right? keeping fit, healthy diets, slim body, no tummy... watever! this is so irritating! and the worst thing is heels. oh my!! it is such a torturous thing to walk in heels. yes yes, i enjoy the feeling of being taller due to my average singaporean females' height but it is damn tiring for my feet. it gets worse when it is a new pair of heels like the one i wore today.

i guess i have thought too deep into matters sometimes. dont complicate things. it may be just how it looks like on the surface. take a deep breathe and let the wind clear my thoughts.

"it's hard to understand myself"

.random.

this is so random entry.

i am tired but i refuse to sleep. i have a super long day tmr and i know i need to rest. need to wake up early in the morning to get some documents done. i have not prepared the aptitude retest yet. argH! i have not briefed weifang on the aptitude test cos she will be taking over my duties when i am away from singapore.

workaholic? yes, yes. i have to admit i am. i was supposed to rest at home today. my definition of resting at home is reading, not getting out of my house at all but i made a trip to clementi central in the afternoon to get some stuff done. see, i cannot stay still for a moment. i feel restless when there is nothing for me to do. good or bad? i think it is good. i am sooo like my mother. we cant do nth at all. during her off days, she can actually sleeps while watching TV in the afternoon. oh my!!!! she is my idol man...

time check: 0030. things to do: contact my sis tmr, confirm the retest days with my guider, settle doc, jess' house, set papers....... busy karen. =)

"i like the way i am"

.old friends.

i was out of my house for 17 hours today. woah!! what a record.

i have been busy with guides recently because we are implementing this aptitude test that we, the YAs have planned for them. that's why i had been waking up at 7am plus for the past 2 consecutive mornings. it was hard for me to wake up sooo early after having brunch for the past few weeks and i am a heavy sleeper. my mum never fails to complain how hard it is to drag me out of my bed. so how was the test? well, not as good as what i expected. were the theory that hard? well, i have to admit the be prepared section was a killer. were we too strict with them for the practical section? we need to be strict in order for them to improve. somehow, some gave me this feeling that they were not prepared for the test at all. come on, what's the guide's motto? be prepared, my fellow guides! was our planning and preparation well done? i find it rush and pretty last min cos we have limited time left after the As to prepare for the tests and limited activities to brief the company. most importantly, it is the first year the aptitude test is carried out. we are still greenhorns. but that is not an acceptable reason.

after guides today, met up with HQ, dingod, goi and TIONG! oh my!!! tiong actually came. i was soooooooo surprised. =) we ate porridge buffet for lunch. i only enjoyed the dessert cos i dont really like porridge. it will be the last thing i will eat if i am not sick. we sat and chit chat until the in charge had to chase us away. we even came up with a name. e5!! haha... after that, it was goi's treat to gelare cos she made us wait for her for 20 minutes!!!! aiya... in the end, we just paid $2 for 2 large yummy waffles and double scoop of ice cream. yeah! it rocks. it will be my fav place on tuesdays only. we just sat there and chit chat again. we came up with funny and weird theories. periodic table, grid and graph! oh my!!! HQ, we will be waiting for the end results.

soooooo sorry to the s14 guys going to korea. we let u guys wait for nothing and wait and more waitings. so sorry.. so we went to YMCA for the korea trip briefing. it was okay just that i seriously cmi when it comes to learning a new language. i suck at pronounication. hai.. i should work hard tmr to learn the necessary korea words. yeah!!!

my eyes are closing. it's time to sleep. cya!

"play with style"

.finally.

yeah!!! the much awaited prom photos are finally uploaded. slow KAREN took such a long time right?

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2116607720

enjoy. =)

.prom.

1 dec, my first prom. the pre prom preparation was terrible and i dont wish to go through the whole process again. shopping, shopping and more shopping. trying to find the ideal dress, matching shoes, bag and accessories and hunting for good and cheap make up artistes. that afternoon was the worst. i received a sms from my guide teacher at around 11am that we have to send her the theory test papers by 2dec morning so that she can print for us and get them ready on mon morning. i practially jumped out of my bed. i wont be at home till 2dec afternoon and i was meeting the s14 girls at 130pm at cityhall. oh my!!! i fought with time and got out of my house at 1pm. i thought i would be the latest but in the end, i was one of the earliest. -_-

the make up artistes came and the makeup and hairdo sessions began. i am not the type of girl who puts on makeup. being natural is the best. that's why i felt a slight discomfort with the makeup on. anyway, my hairdo rocks. yeah!! i love my hairdo. it was amazing how she managed to tie all my hair up despite me having very layered hair. =) thanks khim!

when all the pretty girls and handsome guys went down to the lobby, the mad photo taking session began. it was so exciting to see familiar faces once again. it just shows how much i miss my friends. i guess the SC had a hard time trying to get us sitted. the food was terrible, taking into consideration that it is a 5 star hotel. hmm... or am it oo picky with the food? the programme was screwed up. it failed to capture the audience's attention. almost everyone was busy taking photos with friends and totally ignored what was going on the stage.

i din enjoy myself at the post prom party. i din stay there for long. i have wasted my $$ but the money was well spent on an experience. i could not stand smokers. i am sooo sorry.. that's why i left the place within 1.5hr. the rest of the class bought drinks from 7 11 and peanuts back to the hotel. we started playing stupid cards games to get rid of the drinks. we played zhong ji min ma and the-one-with-the-smallest-number-shall-drink game. we even ordered mac cos we were tooo hungry. see, the food sucks!

soon, morning arrived. yeah! i was a survivor. we played many rounds of heart attack and they were the most hilarious heart attack i had ever played. we were screaming and shouting away until our neighbours had to complain. haha... the classical heart attack was nobody had collected 4 same cards but we all piled our hands on top of one another because someone happened to place his/her hand in the middle of the table. SCREWED UP! we played, played and played till 1pm and we checked out.

the tireness got into me and i slept my way home. luckily i din miss my stop and i was close to drooling. i went home and slept somemore from 130pm to 9pm. i had my dinner, watched survivor, came online and went back to sleep again after 3 hours i woke up. i woke up at 11am today. oh my!!!! i have slept a lot. haha... pig is surname rmb?

prom is over but the friendship goes on. =)

"as we go on, we remember all the times we spent together"